PROM AND PARTY ETIQUETTE is now available - in book stores and on-line.
Peggy and I are so excited about our latest book for teens. In PROM AND PARTY ETIQUETTE we looked at all the special events that come up during the high school years. There’s homecoming, sweet sixteens, proms, graduation, and other special celebrations both in school and out. With each event comes a slew of questions:
• Who asks and who pays for a date?
• Do you have to have a date to go?
• Can you dance with someone other than the person you came with?
• What do you wear?
• How do you get there?
Knowing what to do will make it easier for teens to enjoy all their celebrations to the fullest - and having fun with all your friends is what a party is really about.
My brother Peter just returned from a trip to Cambodia, Vietnam, and Singapore. He was conducting a Train the Trainer - Business Etiquette Program in Singapore but had an opportunity to visit Cambodia and Vietnam while in Asia. This is my favorite picture - sent from Siem Reap, Cambodia. At a store front in front of the restaurant where they had dinner, there was the opportunity to bathe their feet in a pool of warm water with a school of little fish that nibble the dead skin off your legs. It tickles just to think about it. And look at the expressions on their faces. Did you ever see anyone having such a good time? And, by the way, what do you suppose the etiquette would be with such an experience.
Peter Post is in the center. Phil Guo is on the left and Jeffrey Jones is on the right.
Bill Seamans is an award -winning journalist and a former correspondent and bureau chief for ABC News in the Middle East. He is a regular commentator on Vermont Public Radio and I listen to him frequently as I commute to the Institute. Last week, I found his commentary on civil discourse to be excellent and thought you all might also be interested.
Last year during the holiday season HarperCollins Children’s Video put up a video of Peggy and me talking about teaching etiquette to children.
I thought some of you might enjoy seeing it. You’ll note that the publication dates are last year’s but all the books mentioned are still available. I hope you enjoy it.
Sometimes when I tell people what I do, they sort of laugh and say, “Manners? Does anybody really pay attention to manners anymore?”What I have found is that many, many people do pay attention. However, there are definite challenges that come along with promoting etiquette/manners in the today’s world. I’ve actually identified five. Here is the first:
ONE: Convincing people that the small amount of extra time and effort it takes to treat people with respect, consideration and kindness is worth it in so many ways - social, business, and emotional. With the hurried pace we all experience these days, it is often manners that get left by the wayside. It does take a few minutes to write that thank you note. Stopping to greet someone may mean a few minutes before you get to your desk. Waiting for everyone to be seated at the table before you start eating may make the dinner hour slightly longer. Those extra minutes do add up. But the gain you make in improving your day, your own mood, and your relationships is worth hours more than those few extra minutes. The challenge is helping others to see that!
I try to ride the commuter bus to work at least once a week. It is a new, very comfortable bus with a total of five stops. I get on at the second stop and ride to the end. It’s a forty minute ride. For the first time this morning I got on and there were NO seats left. That has never happened. Then - a voice from the rear of the bus - “Cindy, Cindy - come back here.” A man I serve on a board with gave me his seat! Oh my gosh - it made my day. I am perfectly capable of standing and would not have expected that of anyone and definitely would not have been upset if I had to stand for the ride, but it was so-o-0-o nice.
How easy it can be to make someone’ s day. Try it. Everybody wins!
As I was driving to work today and thinking about a post for The Gift site today, it entered my head that this is a very special etiquette week. After all, Thursday is a day devoted to saying Thank You! What could mean more?
Here at The Emily Post Institute there is one manner that shows up on every top manners list we create. When I talk to kids and their parents, I tell them there is one manner that we talk about all the time! And that manner, of course, is saying thank you. By saying thank you, we acknowledge those things that are special in our lives: that people do nice things, that people help each other out, that people share, that people give each other gifts. By acknowledging the things others do for us, we make them feel good, feel happy, feel appreciated.
And this week, across this country, there is a special day devoted to that manner. How amazing is that? A day devoted to saying Thank You. What could be better? I have to say that it’s probably my favorite holiday.
And so it is with great joy for the coming holiday that I say to all of you:
Spend this last hour helping your kids learn gracious gift giving and receiving.
Gift Giving - In order to help your kids learn the joy of giving make the time to have them participate in gift shopping or making gifts they will give during the holidays. Then practice these interactions:
Look at the person and smile.
Hand them the gift and say clearly, “This is for you. I hope you like it.” Or “Here, I made this especially for you.” Help your kids with the language of giving.
Watch the person open their gift and feel the delight that comes with giving.
Gift Receiving - Remind the kids that when someone has given them a gift, she has spent some time picking it out, wrapping it, writing the card, or maybe even making the gift. It’s important to show your care and respect by opening the gift with a sense of joy and then expressing thanks!
Look at the person giving you the gift and smile.
Focus on the person and the gift - not something you opened just before.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. We don’t express our appreciation enough and you can’t stress it enough with your children! If you can’t thank the giver in person send a note right away!
(If they don’t like the gift, teach them to find the positive thing they can say, to say it, and then to say thank you. “This shirt is the best color blue. Thank you so much.”)
Five days; five lessons - with these basics your children will do well during the holidays. They know what’s expected and they have the skills to meet those expectations. They know what they can expect from others. There is a confidence that comes from the knowledge.
Approach this time together positively. Engage your kids in conversation about ways to make things smooth with people they know well and people they are meeting for the first time. You be making the holidays less stressful for yourself and your children.
Happy Holidays from all of us at The Emily Post Institute!
Greetings and handshakes are social skills - and like every skill it takes practice to get them right and to feel comfortable using them. Also, it’s much easier to learn and practice with someone you know well so try out that greeting and handshake in familiar settings with friends and family.
Let me say it again! Practice with siblings, neighbors, and dolls and stuffed animals - every day!
Greetings
Look them in the eye and SMILE!
Speak clearly
Say the person’s name
Add a “Glad to see you” or “How’s it going?”
If it’s a relative or close friend, add a hug.
Handshakes
Right hand to right hand - palm to palm; thumbs up
Firm grip - not too tight; not too limp
Two to three pumps then release
History of handshake: In olden days, knights extended a hand to show it did not hold a weapon and they were approaching as friends not enemies. The other person responded showing he didn’t have a weapon either. The handshake was a gesture of friendship in the olden days and still is today.
Greetings and handshakes are skills that will serve your children well far beyond the holiday season so take this opportunity to be intentional about teaching them. It’s really a gift for them from you!
EMILY'S CHRISTMAS GIFTS - Cindy Post Senning and Peggy Post, illustrated by Steve Björkman
Gifts You Don’t Wrap
We all love to wrap gifts, but some of the things we can give at the holidays can’t be wrapped. By spending an hour with your children and talking about this concept, you will raise their consciousness about these special gifts.
Kindness
Consideration
Helping out
Preparing for company
Decorating
Helping with shopping
Cleaning the house
As part of the discussion you have with your kids, create a list of these special gifts that they would like to give. Include the “gift” and who it’s for, when and how they’ll give it, and how they think it will be received.
PROM AND PARTY ETIQUETTE is now available - in book stores and on-line.
